News from the Far Side
News From the Far Side sources have unearthed information suggesting that there is far more than meets the eye to the unusual spate of injuries striking down All Blacks all over France.
News From the Far Side sources have unearthed information suggesting that there is far more than meets the eye to the unusual spate of injuries striking down All Blacks all over France.
Dan Carter rupturing a his Achilles' tendon, Byron Kelleher spraining his knee, Jerry Collins injuring his knee ligaments, Carlos Spencer leaving Northampton at the same time – coincidence ? We think not!
Contrary to media reports, NFS has secured evidence that the group are actually currently relaxing in a remote island destination under the watchful eye of highly-trained bikini ninjas.
NFS investigations also suggest that the so called 'player drain' to Europe from New Zealand has been nothing more than an intricate plot devised by an evil mastermind to bring the Webb Ellis trophy back to New Zealand.
'International retirement'? 'Experiencing a new culture'? 'Once-off sabbatical'? Lies! all damned lies!
Spencer, Kelleher, Collins and Carter are believed to be nothing more than pawns in a massive espionage plan to uncover the secrets of the dreaded French enemy.
Never far from the centre of breaking news, never afraid break a few eggs to make a news omelette, never willing to abandon even the hottest news kitchen, NFS has delved deep into the murky world of the until-now secret office of New Zealand Rugby Secret and Unusual Conspiracy Centre for Strategy (NZR-SUCCS).
Far from being short-sighted, documents recovered from the NZR-SUCCS headquarters show how 'sending' players to Europe has been part of a long-term plan.
In fact, Spencer was first deployed as an under-cover agent tasked with establishing an operations base close to enemy territory in England, all the while working closely with Andrew Mehrtens in Toulon, who was used as a decoy to lure the enemy into a false sense of security.
Tana Umaga and is believed to have been the second agent deployed, this time to infiltrate the enemy ranks from within and establish a path for Collins and Kelleher to follow.
Carter – code name Moremoneypenny- is believed to be the central agent, using his mysterious 'ankle injury' to buy time and divert attention, allowing him to transmit information back to NZR-SUCCS director Graham Henry, better know within the agency as “Big Brother.”
The plot is far more sinister than it appears on paper. To fool the medical personal of the players' respective clubs, “Big Brother” is believed to have placed a small exploding device into the players' joints, allowing him to “extract” them from the “hot zone” whenever he felt enough intel had been gathered.
Our detectives belive that the NZR-SUCCS are employing a three-stage plan:
First, deplete the enemy's resources by demanding exorbitant wages and blocking the path of young French players into top tier rugby. Second, recruit counter-agents to bring further secrets back to New Zealand. (Toulouse boss Guy Novès is suspected to be the first of these and will meet with NZR-SUCCS this week)
The third stage of the plan is a mystery. Theories range from the use of itchy powder in the dressing rooms to sending local ladies to 'distract' the visiting French in their hotel, as was experimented with against England.
Anything is possible.
Do you have information pertaining to the secret “Phase three”? Let us know!?