News from the Far Side
After only one week of the Experimental Law Variations (ELVs) the SANZAR are said to be reconsidering even more law changes.
After only one week of the Experimental Law Variations (ELVs) the SANZAR are said to be reconsidering even more law changes.
“We're considering allowing knock-ons,” said a SANZAR official.
“We need to see more tries being scored, but most of the teams are incapable of putting more than three or four passes together without dropping the ball. I think it makes senses.”
As part of his strategy to prepare for the law change, Bulls coach Frans Ludeke has employed the help of 'special consultants' for this year's Super 14.
“People were saying that it was really important to incorporate ELVs in your pre-season preparation,” said Ludeke before Saturday's visit to Newlands.
“So, we decided to meet some 'consultants' in Orlando, Florida. Only the North Pole has more ELVs than Orlando.
“Those ELVs are sneaky okes, eh. The balls just disappears in the ruck and then it suddenly reappears out on the wing, it's like magic! The Stormers have one at full-back so we'll have to watch out,” added the Bulls coach.
“We've also been offered the services of a Mr Claus. They say he's got lots of experience with ELVs.”
In news from further afield, a section of the Amazon rainforest has been named after Luke Watson and Jake White.
“There has been so much written about Senhors Watson and White that we've had to clear a least four acres of trees to keep up with the paper demand,” a spokesman for the Brazilian paper industry told Planet Rugby.
“We would have liked to have them here for the unveiling of a plaque but Senhor Blonde, er, I mean White, was 'otherwise engaged' and said that 'Watson didn't fit-in with his plans', ” said the spokesman.
“Senhor Watson wanted to come, but said he had to ask his dad first.”
Meanwhile, in England, the British Traffic authority is reportedly investigating the validity of Andrew Higgins's driving licence.
“We watched Higgins play rugby on the weekend, said a spokesman. “He got the ball in acres of space, all alone, and starting charging off towards his own tryline, before suddenly redirecting his run.
“If he can't remember which side of the field he should score on, how are we sure he'll remember which side of the road to drive on?”
In news from New Zealand, Hurricanes winger/full-back/charge-down specialist Cory Jane is said to be scheduled to have reconstructive surgery on his face following his team's game against the Waratahs.
A source in a secret New Zealand cosmetic surgery clinic has reported that the procedure will include the removal of a 'Gilbert' logo which seems to be tattooed on Jane's face.
The Hurricanes were not available for comment on the subject but reports from the last Hurricanes training session indicate that Jane spent the entire morning practicing his charge-downs, concentrating specifically on using his hands, not just his face.