Lotto winners and demented ferrets

This week we will be concerning ourselves with lottery winners and demented ferrets…

Welcome to Loose Pass – our weekly assortment of disjointed thoughts. This week we will be mostly concerning ourselves with lottery winners and demented ferrets…

Stock up on beer and send the missus on a far-flung errand. You, my friend, have a feast of rugby to attend.

For starters, might we recommend the last round of Heineken Cup pool games? Why not begin with the tasty little encounter in Limerick on Friday night?

The main course will be served up from February 6 and it includes Italy's visits the home of the reigning 6 Nations Grand Slam champions, and Wales taking on England at Twickenham in a game that will celebrate 100 years of Test rugby on Billy Williams's cabbage patch.

And our dessert trolley is laden with delicacies from south of the equator. Yes, the Super 14 gets under way on February 12 with three national derbies: Blues v Hurricanes, Western Force v Brumbies and Cheetahs v Bulls.

And it all goes on and on and on and…

But let's not get ahead of ourselves. This weekend will surely sate even rugby's biggest gluttons. As is its wont, the Heineken Cup has conspired to provide a cliff-hanger of epic proportions.

It looks very much like the Welsh won't make it, Will Greenwood is fearing for the English representatives, and some – including this august journal – are predicting two all-French quarter-finals.

But as we have seen on countless occasions, all can change at the drop of the goal.

Bon Appétit!

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We can no longer ruck with intent, scrums are being emasculated and playing in snow has become far too dangerous. Now the humble initiation ceremony looks set to receive a spanking from Nanny State Britain. (Yes, we're after jobs at the Daily Mail.)

De Montfort University's rugby club is to stand before the Rugby Football Union on two charges of “alleged conduct prejudicial to the Union and/or game”.

Its alleged crimes include asking new players to appear naked and blindfolded on a playing field “in sight of the general public” where they were pelted with eggs and flour and forced to drink a “dirty pint” of milk and chili powder.

Players were also made to slide along a sheet of plastic greased with “foul-smelling substances”, eat from tins containing dog food, baked beans and spaghetti hoops and jump into a paddling pool of pee.

The new recruits were then “placed in a position whereby they had to travel back to campus wearing shorts and shoes only”.

Okay, the paddling pool stunt is a little below the belt, but the rest is all pretty tame compared to what the wizened heads at Loose Pass have experienced in their time.

And where's the booze?

Honestly, the youth of today…

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Thinking about travelling to New Zealand for the 2011 Rugby World Cup? Look out for the man pictured above – he should be good for at least a couple of beers.

Colin Sturt is a member of a family syndicate that recently landed a £26.1m ($42.3m) EuroMillions jackpot. Quick as a flash he declared he would be catching all the action Down Under. Nice.

We've already got his likeness tucked into our wallets. And unless that luxurious moustache is a crafty ruse to throw us off the scent, he shouldn't be too hard to spot.

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And so farewell Bill McLaren. Farewell, too, the mad octopus, the demented ferret and the baggy in that Border burn. Rugby has lost its greatest friend.

Yet it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all, and the outpouring of fond memories from all corners of the oval world underlines the central role that the 'Voice of Rugby' played in the development of our extended family.

But that famous Scottish brogue and the sumptuous turn of phrase were the least of his attributes. A lover of life and of the game of rugby union, the ultimate professional and a staunch advocate of fair play, always quick to laugh and above pompous or derogatory comment, McLaren offered us not just a masterclass in the art of commentary but a code by which to live. He was a teacher to the last. Our teacher.

In memory, in tribute, in celebration and in thanks, dance in the streets of your town this weekend. It's what the great man would have wanted.

Compiled by Andy Jackson