Loose Pass: Balls, fists, rants and crimes

Adam Kyriacou

This week we will mostly be concerning ourselves with chaos and anarchy…

Balls

Sounds dramatic. But it’s been that kind of week. As if the constant threats of CVC, league breakaways and coronavirus weren’t enough, the pitches were awash with cards of all colours and mists of red, on a weekend that did little for the sport’s image.

When Piers Morgan is backing your actions, you have to wonder if you haven’t been a bit of an idiot. So Joe Marler’s cryptic-but-not-really-cryptic tweet in anticipation of a citing for grabbing whichever dangly part of Alun-Wyn Jones he grabbed was not a good read on a character who had claimed to be a changed man.

His grab, accompanied by one of the greatest-ever butter-wouldn’t-melt looks, has polarised opinion across the board. Should he have been sent off? Carded? Was it all just fun and jokes with an old Lions team-mate? Are we all taking ourselves too seriously and forgetting good old rugby banter?

Not really. All those of you reading who have dangly bits know well, it doesn’t need a punch down there to inflict miserable pain, nor does it require much contact for the body to instigate an immediate fight-or-flight adrenal response. The only red card of this writer’s career was provoked by a crotch grab.

There’s a parallel universe in which Jones saw red, shortly before seeing red. It’s to his immense credit that he still inhabits this one. But there’s absolutely no doubt that whatever the sweet smile on Marler’s face was trying to sell us, this was his aim, even if the lack of actual pain on the part of AWJ proves that it little more than a tickle.

That is the middle road in this argument and why, although we don’t see it as being worthy of a huge ban, we do see it as worthy of one.

It belongs to that category of infuriating niggles which often go unpunished and unnoticed. Holding someone on the ground after a ruck, pulling them back off the ball in the loose, things like that. All on the edges, all designed to provoke a loss of cool, all barely penalty-worthy, yet all of them souring the game atmosphere. But Marler’s grab was a lot more personal, designed to provoke a much more furious response. The level of niggle was much higher, the hoped-for consequence much more enraged. More on niggle and provocation shortly.

With AWJ not reacting, Marler is left with egg on his face. And no, the grab really was not that bad. But a ban for trying to get an opponent sent off – two or three games, say – that would be a nice, common-sense deterrent for things like this.

Fists

Mohamed Haouas is a very silly boy. No question he deserved to go. But was he the only one?

Shortly before the melee in which Haouas’ right jab created a thousand Facebook memes, Jamie Ritchie had sprinted a full 15 metres to pile into France hooker Julien Marchand’s back and spark it all off.

‘It’s only a shove!’ I hear you all cry. But it was pretty cowardly, it started the fight, and it was wholly unnecessary.

Shortly before Marler gave Jones his thoroughly personal examination, Owen Farrell had been penalised for a fairly innocuous shove on Hadleigh Parkes, but was penalised for it. Rightly so too – it wasn’t the shove per se, it was Ben O’Keeffe trying to control a situation to make sure that one shove didn’t become a flood, and that the atmosphere didn’t sour.

We have TMOs these days. We have every recourse possible. But it’s not going to change much if the instigators, nigglers and non-sportsmen don’t find their actions also being punished. Ritchie ought to have been given yellow – and France can feel pretty aggrieved that he wasn’t.

Rants

It’s official, we’re tired of Eddie Jones. From the unnecessary combative language before the France game, to the siege mentality around the Scotland game, and now to the asinine criticism of O’Keeffe for the sending-off of Manu Tuilagi, he continues to inhabit his own reality in much the same way Jose Mourinho often did.

It’s often said that teams reflect the coach and it’s certainly true in this case. England may be good, but there’s not much class to them. From calling a critic a sausage one week, to grabbing a crotch the next, to a crazy head challenge which just didn’t need to be, England also look perpetually angry and perpetually inclined to fight anything in front of them.

Ironically, it was this attitude which allowed Wales to grab a bonus point which should never even have been sniffed. Good they can be, but England do not yet possess control. With Jones at the helm, you wonder if they ever will. Until Jones controls himself, it’s unlikely.

Crimes

It’s not even half a year since the World Cup finished with nothing but praise for Japan, but things are unravelling a bit.

The organisers of the Top League, in which such luminaries as Dan Carter and Kieran Read are plying their trade, have suspended it. Not for the coronavirus, but because of a mounting drug problem which has seen four players arrested.

The suspension is for three weeks (and was already on hold because of coronavirus), during which the league will be conducting ‘compliance education’ and attempting to restore the league’s standing.

It’s not been the greatest week, has it?

Loose Pass compiled by Lawrence Nolan

 

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