Loose Pass
This week we will be mostly concerning ourselves with foul play, random Celts and the rise and rise of the British and Irish Lions.
Game on!
Last time we met, dear reader, we presented you with a robust defence of 'Warrenball'. We dismissed it as ugly and outdated, but reasoned it was all that stood between the British and Irish Lions and utter humiliation in New Zealand.
Now, just two weeks later, there's a real sense that the tourists' tactic of choice could do more than simply limit damages.
Could it really be true? Should Lions fans dare to dream? Are the All Blacks really suffering sleepless nights ahead of Saturday's opener at Eden Park?
Well, let's hold our horses.
The British and Irish press share a propensity to frame even the slightest flicker of light as a glorious new dawn. It's a clever technique that ensures that the ensuing post-mortem is laden with read-all-about-it horrors, because told-you-so stories don't sell papers. For more on this topic, see 'English football, 1967 to present day'.
But those miserly wins over the Crusaders and the Maori punched right through the inevitable plaudits. More than flickers of light, they hinted at a white heat that could melt the wings of those who dare to fly too close.
At the risk of adding our own layer of overblown hype to the pile, Loose Pass is now convinced that the Lions have come up with an antidote to the type of all-out rugby pioneered and perfected by the All Blacks.
We still doubt it will be potent enough to anaesthetise the ever-cognisant hosts, but the clash of styles – attack versus defence, knack versus whack, stimulus versus austerity, soft versus hard – will make for utterly compelling viewing.
Enjoy the ride!
Lost pride
If you're reading this, chances are you've once stood in a tight huddle, arm in arm with around 20 other blokes. You each have two fistfuls of jersey and kick-off is just moments away. Your captain is laying it on the line and the stench of Deep Heat is burning a path to your brain. As the ref orbits the confab, checking studs and bleating on about matters of law, your eyes meet each of your brothers. You know they've earned the right to be within that inner circle, and so have you.
But wait! Who are those guys over there? Kristian Dacey? Tomas Francis? Cory Hill? Allan Dell?
Yes, yes. We know it's time to put 'ringer-gate' to bed, but Loose Pass is not ready to let it go, particularly not now that their names will remain forever inked into the Chiefs-Lions programme – and history.
Our main beef is Gatland's contention that it's "all about the Test series". If we take this to be true, what a mental fillip for the chosen few to look around and know that they are surrounded by the best of the best. With utmost respect to the new arrivals, that is now clearly not the case.
Beyond cheapening the honour of being selected as a Lion on merit (and beyond making a complete mockery of the season-long game of 'pick a pride' as loved by rugby fans of every hue), it must be remembered that we're just over halfway through the tour. There will be more injuries – three in the engine room and we'll have Hill featuring in the Test series whilst Joe Launchbury pads around the aisles of his local Waitrose.
As we've said before, jet-leg is a manageable issue in these days of flat-bed travel and sport science. If you don't believe that the likes of Garry Ringrose could manage with such disruption, just ask him. In the past two weeks, Ireland have flown from Ireland to New York and on to Tokyo and back again, putting half-centuries past the US Eagles and Japan in the process. It can be done.
When Gatland chose to blame jet-lag for the tour's lacklustre start, it was accepted – mainly due to the fact that he would not be able to lean on the same excuse twice.
We hate to say it, but it now looks very much like he's manoeuvred himself into position to do just that.
Low blow
Following a weekend of such resplendently positive and entertaining rugby – Scotland's first win in Sydney! England's taming of Argentina's famed Bajada! The Baby Blacks' utter dominion! – it seems slightly churlish for us to focus on an act of foul play. But, in the absence of the slightest peep out of any official bodies, we feel we must speak out.
The incident came during the closing stages of Argentina's encounter with England in Santa Fe.
As you can see from the footage below, England are rumbling out of their half with Nathan Hughes in possession at the tail of a maul. But their progress is brought to a shuddering halt by Tomás Lavanini, who throws his full weight – 130kg – into the side of Hughes's right knee.
A mile off-side; in at the side; no arms. Sanction? A mere penalty.
If Hughes was not made of teak, it's likely his knee would have buckled out of joint. As it was, he ended the game with his knee heavily strapped. Whichever way you cut it, it was foul play. And yet we're still waiting for word from the game's citing commissioner.
Whilst we laud World Rugby's commitment to stem the blight of concussion (the word itself is now a permanent link on the body's homepage, alongside 'RWC 2019'), it cannot be the be all and end all.
It can't be right that players are being sin-binned, sent off and suspended for aerial misdemeanours that spring mostly from little more than poor timing while terrestrial acts of thuggery are being totally ignored.
Loose Pass is compiled by former Planet Rugby editor Andy Jackson