Loose Pass

This week we will mostly be concerning ourselves with legends of the microphone, Grand Slams and prodigies…

This week we will mostly be concerning ourselves with legends of the microphone, Grand Slams and prodigies…
A better and more unique piece of true rugby memorabilia we cannot think of. The 'Voice of Rugby' for so many many years, Bill McLaren's legendary 'big sheets' are going up for grabs.
What they are? Well, McLaren's research methods before a big game were to procure a sizeable piece of paper and fill it, every single square millimetre, with every scrap of information about every player on both teams possible, as well as the officials, the ground, and pretty much everything else associated with whichever game he was covering. Conservative estimates put the number of facts per sheet at around 1,000.
If McLaren had no or little information he would often phone a player at home asking for height, weight, names of brothers and sisters, nicknames, and even what their favourite food was. If a phone call was not possible Bill would attend training sessions, putting faces to names and also obtain the player data with a impromptu interview, with his famous Hawick Balls used as a bribe.
The first sheet to be released from the archive of McLaren's papers is the copy of the match between the Barbarians in 1993, played at Cardiff and won 25-12 by the All Blacks.
Scott Hastings captained the Barbarians, with players from six countries including Scotland's Gary Armstrong & Tony Stanger, Wales' Scott Quinnell and Ireland's Eric Elwood, who kicked the four Barbarian penalties. In keeping with Barbarian tradition, Neil Back played as the one uncapped player in the side.
The New Zealand visitors were captained by Sean Fitzpatrick, with try scorers Ian Jones, Craid Dowd, Va'ainga Tuigamala and Jeff Wilson as the goal kicker.
The Bill McLaren Foundation is selling unframed copies of Bill's notes from the day for £55 incl P&P. For more information, please visit www.billmclarenfoundation.co.uk/Big-Sheets.
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So as you ponder parting ways with your hard-earned baubies for a copy of the above, perhaps we can indulge ourselves in a wee bit of nostalgia too.
McLaren's trademark was the colourful turn of phrase, an ability to conjure up similes and metaphors barely matched by any other commentator before or since.
Imagine playing with a ball 'as slippery as a wet trout', or facing 'the runaway leader in a buffalo stampede' (that's Scott Quinnell), or being in a line-out opposite someone standing out 'like a lighthouse', or being stepped by a winger 'as quick as a trout up a burn', or playing a prop 'as cunning as a bag of weasels'.
Or even, should you be a nineteen-stone prop and have a sudden urgent need to change your shorts on-field as a result of an alarming wardrobe malfunction brought on by some injudicious studs, to have your cinema-screen width backside announced as 'a fabulous rear view there'!
But our top three McLaren quotes are as follows:
“And it's a try by Hika the hooker from Ngongotaha.” (Wales v New Zealand 1980)
“They say down at Stradey that if ever you catch him [Phil Bennett] you get to make a wish.”
“My goodness, that wee ball's gone so high there'll be snow on it when it comes down!”
Bill, we hope you are resting comfortably and enjoying your rugby still. We miss you dearly.
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We also wonder what he'd make of the forthcoming plethora of internationals, particularly the prospect of not one, but two Grand Slam tours heading Britain and Ireland's way.
Both South African and New Zealand come north in a week's time, one looking to show the north just how far off the pace they are less than 12 months before the kick-off of World Cup 2011, the other desperately seeking to restore pride after a near-catastrophic Tri-Nations season.
All that will be previewed more precisely over the next few weeks of action, but to whet the appetites, here are a few facts and figures:
There have been 24 attempted Grand Slam tours since New Zealand's Originals came, saw and nearly conquered in 1905/6; eight by each of the southern hemisphere nations. Of those, eight have been successful, New Zealand in 1978, 2005 and 2008, South Africa in 1912/13, 1931/32, 1951/52 and 1960/61, and Australia once, in 1984. All countries have had eight shots at the prize.
France have done it 9 times in 62 attempts since 1947 – during the Five or Six Nations.
Australia are the only team to have been 'Grand Slammed' – beaten by all four nations – in 1957/8.
In 1912 and 1951, South Africa also put paid to France, thus being the only country to have completed a Grand Slam of all Five Nations in 1951.
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South Africa's chances of claiming their first slam in 50 years appear to rest upon Patrick Lambie. That's certainly the name on the rainbow nation's lips after his impressive haul in Saturday's Currie Cup Final, and a review of the action shows little to convince us otherwise.
It's been a while since a young player with a full skill set and a rugby mind mature beyond its physical years was unearthed, but Lambie has it all: good decision-making, strength, speed, a boot…
The highest compliment we can pay is that he bears the hallmarks of one Daniel Carter, although in style and appearance, is nothing like him.
He's no new Dan Carter though, he's a little too individual for that. Anybody involved with South Africa should only hope and pray he is managed the right way from here on in – November is going to be a huge four weeks for an immensely-talented player.
Loose Pass compiled by Richard Anderson