Lions diary, day fifteen
Perhaps the quietest day of the tour so far diary-wise was punctuated by a foray into the joys of Monday night Durban.
Perhaps the quietest day of the tour so far diary-wise was punctuated by a foray into the joys of Monday night Durban.
Unfortunately, Durban seems to be closed on a Monday, and the Lions were hard at work preparing for Wednesday's game. So to relate any sort of diary gossip, we head back into the team cell and lift the lid on a few fines.
It appears, with a legal background and a natural height advantage, that Alun-Wyn Jones has been appointed the fearsome master of the purse as far as the fines are concerned, ably supported by Mike Blair (the 'silent assassin'), Matthew Rees and Jamie Heaslip.
Jones lifted the lid on a couple more of the punishments meted out thus far on Monday, also revealing what some – particularly The Times' Stephen Jones – have long suspected: that Brian O'Driscoll can't walk on water!
O'Driscoll attended a welcome party at an embassy for the players at the start of the tour. He apparently turned to go across the courtyard, failing to realise that the darkness of the floor in front of him was not terra firma, but was in fact a tarpaulin covering a small splash pool… you can imagine the rest.
“My favourite so far: Brian O'Driscoll is a marvellous and talented player, but when he tried to walk on water over the covered pool at the embassy… I can actually confirm he cannot walk on water. He wasn't the only one,” said Jones, who is in the final throes of a law degree at Swansea University.
“Graham Rowntree's had a bit of a hiding. He chucked out a couple of fines when he wasn't even on the disciplinary committee so we doubled everything he had already. It's not too bad though.
“There's no point in giving anybody an even break, is there. And it makes the kitty bigger.
“Due to Graham Rowntree in the first week it was far too much. We could have opened up our own bank!
“We'll be donating some to charity at the end of the tour, so it's for a good cause.”
So bar the ones we have heard so far – missing meetings, collapsing scrums in training, losing Lenny the Lion – what else has been damaging the tourists' pockets?
“A couple of the boys have to do joke of the day, but they've not been so good at doing it thus far so they've had a bit of a hiding as well,” continued Jones.
“There's been a few lates… just bog standard stuff – like your phone going off during a presentation (Rowntree again).
“It can't rebound on me, I am the fines committee. If they get me, I can just get them back again. It's a never-ending cycle.”
We might have heard more, but at this juncture, and with sumptuous comic timing, one of the gathered journalists' phones went off, breaking up the 'media briefing' in a shower of mirth and more than a couple of calls of 'fine him!'
Journal kept by Richard Anderson