Interview from the Far Side

In an exclusive interview with News from the Far Side, Saracens Director of Rugby Brendan Venter attempts to explain the truth behind his misrepresented comments to the media.

In an exclusive interview with News from the Far Side, Saracens Director of Rugby Brendan Venter attempts to explain the truth behind his misrepresented comments to the media.

Far too often nowadays, rugby coaches are the victims of poorly-informed, over-opinionated pressmen who print quotes out of context, make false accusations, spread lies and create controversy where it isn't needed.

Could Venter be the latest fall-guy for an industry in need of sensational headlines on a daily basis?

Never fear fans of real rugby news, the NFS team of crack investigators would never let you down.

Our award-winning* investigative journalist Jaime Boire-Bordeaux sat down with Venter and a glass of rouge to get down to the bottom the matter. In vino veritas.

News from the Far Side: Welcome Brendan, it's great to have you here.

Brendan Venter: Thank you for having me, it truly is an honour to be invited to the NFS secret lair – but was that fourth bottle of Merlot really necessary?

NFS: Yes, I understand Brendan, I would have preferred a Pinotage too, to keep with the South African flavour 'n all.

BV: That's not quite what I meant, doesn't anyone listen to me anymore?

NFS: Whatever. So about this abusing refs business – really Brendan, old chum, why abuse refs? They've never harmed anybody.

BV: I didn't abuse anyone, I was just expressing my opinion that some of them can be a touch irregular.

NFS: You mean they should have more fibre in their diets?

BV: No, I mean inconsistent, they're not consistent.

NFS: Hang on there Mr. Venter, I thought we were here to talk about rugby, not the consistency of their…

BV: I AM talking about rugby! I mean that some referees' decisions at the breakdown are irrational.

NFS: Breakdown? Wow, I knew refs were under a lot of pressure, but I didn't know they were having breakdowns. Psychology, intestinal medicine, wine… you've got a lot of interests outside of rugby.

BV: Look, all I'm trying to say is that referees should be as professional as the rugby players they officiate over, is that too much to ask?

NFS: Are you suggesting that referees are not professional? How would you compare the professionalism of refs to that of say, um, professional wrestling?

BV: Well some of their decisions are quite entertaining sometimes.

NFS: I'll tell what would be entertaining, seeing Nigel Owens put Chris White in a headlock or maybe a tombstone pile driver! Or maybe even a rugby game with a couple of tries, or is that too much to ask?

BV: Eh? I was talking about the standard of refereeing. The refs were doing fine until, for some strange reason, at the end of December it all went pear-shaped and they started penalising us. It seems their decision-making is becoming a bit of a lottery.

NFS: Me too, I just love gambling. Do a lot of your players gamble? I'm sure Derick Hougaard does, he must believe he's pretty lucky the way he is always trying to kick drop goals from all over the show.

BV: Derick is a very good player and his drop goals fit in well with our style of play.

NFS: Yes, lets talk about your style of play at the Bulls….

BV: Saracens

NFS: I beg your pardon?

BV: Sa-ra-cens.

NFS: Really Brendan, there's no need for name calling. Why are you changing the subject all the time? And what does any of this have to do with history? No wonder you're in trouble with the RFU.

BV: I'm the Director of Rugby at Saracens, you know, the club in the Guinness Premiership.

NFS: Guinness? Now you're talking! But are you sure it's a good idea after all that wine?

BV: No, no, the Premier Rugby League. In England…

NFS: England? You mean you've got a Botha, a Brits, a Burger, a De Kock, a Hougaard, a Joubert, a Melck, a Reynecke and a Van Heerden and you say your club is in England? Are you having laugh?

BV: I think this interview is over.

NFS: You better believe it, we're all out of refreshments. Thanks for coming anyway.

BV: Good….Bye.

*Jaime Boire-Bordeaux, better know as J'nB, has been awarded the Stellenbosch ELVs Consultative Committee and Wine Club for Journalists “Connoisseur-of-the-Year” prize for the last three years.