Gifts under Planet Rugby's tree

No you shouldn't have! Merry Christmas everyone...

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We took it upon ourselves to send Santa a note to get some gifts for the rugby personalities who hit the headlines in 2012.

Remember now, this is tongue in cheek, so don't take it too seriously. Merry Christmas!

Heyneke Meyer
- A shatterproof walkie talkie. The Springbok coach has smashed quite a few of these communication devices while trying to issue instructions to his troops in 2012.

Richie McCaw
- King Richie can do with a crown after achieving some significant milestones in 2012. There's even a debate raging in some quarters on whether he is the greatest rugby player ever. Enough said.

Israel Folau
- A DVD on the intricacies of the ruck and maul for the new Waratahs recruit. Folau will start his first season of professional rugby union in 2013 after making a name for himself in the NRL and AFL.

Pat Lambie
- A fake ID

Quade Cooper
- The Reds and Wallabies fly-half deserves some intestinal fortitude as he prepares for his first boxing fight in February.

Southern Kings
- A calculator will be of great help for the newest team in the Super Rugby competition. It seems that the Port Elizabeth-based outfit is going to need that because their officials have already signed four foreign players when the South African Rugby Union only allows two per squad. They could also use it as some of their opponents are set to notch some cricket scores against them.

Andrew Hore an Dean Greyling
- An all-expenses paid visit to anger-management classes for the All Blacks and Springboks front-rowers.

Bryan Habana
- Free French lessons as it appears that the Bok speedster is heading to Toulon at some stage in 2013.

IRB Player of the Year selection committee
- A pair of binoculars will be the ideal gift for this panel, to help them pick a shortlist of the game's best players!

Nick Mallett
- A job as a head coach as his rugby knowledge is currently going to waste as a television analyst.

Robbie Deans
- After a year where he hardly ever fielded his strongest XV, an injury-free Wallabies side for next year's series against the British and Irish Lions.

Chris Robshaw
- A DVD on decision-making in tense situations for the England skipper after his brain implosions against the Wallabies and Springboks.

The British and Irish Lions
- A DVD of the 1997 tour to South Africa, a reminder of the last time the Lions won a series could prove inspirational for the famous touring team.

Keven Mealamu
- An endless supply of over-the-counter sports cream to massage into his calf muscles which has been troubling him throughout 2012.

Nathan Sharpe
- An all expenses paid holiday to a destination of his choice after his retirement from the game. After years of service for the Reds, Western Force and Wallabies, he deserves it!

Mourad Boudjellal
- The Toulon boss can do with a muzzle to put over his mouth when he wants to criticise referees.

Schalk Burger
- Body armour, so he can try see out at least 10 minutes of 2013 on the rugby pitch.